Women History Month: Interview with CEO of YWCA, Melissa Coomber-Bendtsen

Melissa Coomber-Bendtsen

For Women’s History Month 2023, we caught up with a handful of community members that represents different community groups that support diverse women within Regina. The first interview we are sharing is with Melissa Coomber-Bendtsen, the youngest CEO in YWCA’s history (not only in Regina, but across the organization). Her charisma and passion for social justice makes her an amazing role model for community members in Regina, and she has created a legacy of YWCA that will impact Regina’s community for years to come. Here is her story, and the story of YWCA and their future.

What’s your story?

I think my story is one of being continuously motivated by social justice. The thing that makes me the most agitated and upset in the world is social justice, so throughout my life and career, whether it was when I was a student at university or whether it was about what was happening in the environment. I always found myself in places where I couldn’t just let injustice pass me by. What was an uncertain or idealistic view of the world propelled me into wanting to make a difference in life. I am also somebody who [thinks] change is inevitable, even if good things are happening, there is a way to make things better. I find myself in situations or involved in community work or conversations where it’s about how to be a catalyst to change and for change. My story is about figuring out how to make the world a better place, not just for myself. It’s about recognizing that in order to make the world a better place for myself I have to make it a better place for others as well.

What led you to being involved in the YWCA?

I came to the YWCA in 2015. I had worked in the community for 18 plus years before that. Leading this organization came from not knowing what I was actually stepping into or even the depth and breadth of this organization, and YWCA across the country. I would say it was out of shear leading with my intuition and saying “okay let’s try it out,” not thinking at all that I had the skills or capacity to do this job. Once I was here I recognized that it was a place here, that I could be a community builder, which I loved and had experienced doing. Also, the need to be an activist, and the social justice piece came hand in hand. I could do community work for the end cause of social justice and equity. Sometimes you stumble into opportunities and there’s a piece of this that felt like I stumbled upon this opportunity, but then at the same time it made perfect sense that this is where I ended up. Obviously, I have done things in my life that have gotten me to this point and in that moment in 2015, it was really about learning and understanding I was very young and understanding what it meant to lead an organization. Then it was being able to say “where can I take this organization?” in terms of its strength and capacity to serve the community, but how can it also be a catalyst for a bigger system and institution changes. That's where I think I really feel passionate about being able to sit in this role. It’s not just about building the YWCA or serving women and families in a really authentic way, but it also about being a changemaker to a system [that] governs how we're capable of serving those marginalized people.

You were the youngest CEO in YWCA history, when you began your career did you ever imagine that you would have a leadership role at YWCA?

It’s interesting, because I was thinking about this, I was 35 years old when I became the CEO of the YWCA, and I was both the youngest in the history in Regina, but also the youngest CEO across the movement of CEO’s in Canada. I never saw that within the movement or organization as a barrier or something that was different because I had confidence that I could figure it out. I will say that externally, I was very aware of that. When I would sit at community tables or when people asked me what I did there was always a little piece like that. It took me a while to fully understand that regardless of my age that I had a superpower that I could harness. When I figured out that super power that I had, that I think everyone has, they’re maybe not aware of what it is at certain points in their life, then that didn’t matter so much anymore. Potentially, I think age can bring a new perspective and I think there is a lot of value looking at that. Having the capacity to figure out what that superpower is and be confident in that, was the one thing that was a real catalyst for change in this organization. My superpower is that I am well aware of what my strengths are, and what my weaknesses are. Now that I am no longer 30 years old, I recognize how important it is to have young voices at the table. That’s not who I am anymore, so I make sure that I hire those people, or to have people that are stronger in different areas than I am. To have a diverse team that will bring different perspectives to the table and knowing how to build that team became something. I think that when other people feel like they need to have experience in order to do the job, I was able to build the right team and feel like I have the confidence to do the job. It’s overwhelming, there was a lot of years where I didn’t feel comfortable being the youngest person or I felt like people would feel like I didn’t have the experience or level of responsibility to be able to run the organization. That may have spurred a little bit of “I’ll prove them wrong” too.

Programs and Initiatives:

The YWCA in Regina focuses on equity and looks at equity from the perspective that we need to have an anti-colonial, anti-racism, and a gender and sexually diverse perspective on equity. As a women serving organization is the largest and longest serving women's organization in the province, it is important for us to see how we will not have gender equity without also bringing forward anti-colonialism, anti-oppression, and gender and sexually diverse perspectives. I think in everything we do, whether it is our crisis services, whether it's our child care or community programs, that exist at the foundation of what we do. We work with a lot of women and families that are in crisis and also women and families that are not in crisis, like our child care services for example. In all of those places, we recognize that people have experienced a lot of trauma, whether it is trauma that we can name or truth telling about, or trauma from a difficult childhood, or trauma from a failed marriage; that spectrum is huge. Meeting people where they’re at, and supporting them where they want to go is that fundamental piece, so our programs are not prescriptive, our services are not bound by lists to complete to access our programs, but really understanding that people know and are stewards of their own capacity. They know what they need to do to have the success that they want to have and be considered thriving community members. Our job is to support them in getting there and also to change the systems and institutions that are meant to support them so that they can access them, so those barriers are down. I think that makes what you would consider to be traditional programming to be different at the YWCA. We run one of three domestic violence shelters in the city, we run the only homeless shelter for women and children, we run supportive affordable housing, outreach programs that support people in rehousing or navigating the systems of support that exist for them, we have a strong harm reduction program, we also run homes for children who are in the care of the ministry, and a repatriation program that brings women and their children back together and reunifies them, and supports them in that reunification. We also have 365 child care spaces in the city. Then we run various community programs, we run a girls space program, an our space program, a helix program which is a mental health program in schools, we run a program called upstander which is for men and boys which is about emotional literacy and toxic masculinity and how to be allies, we run a youth employment program for young women, and big sisters mentorship program. The diversity of how we serve the community is really about not just in crisis but how we can provide the community with a sense of community, with a place to belong, and for when crisis does happen, to be the support network that people need to thrive.

What has been an inspiring moment you have witnessed at YWCA?

This is a really difficult question to answer because as much as people who work in the community and people who work with folks in crisis become accustomed to trauma and crisis, as a way of coping mechanism we become accustomed to the little moments of full inspiration. I have to say that I am forever grateful to be able to be connected to the people we serve because it is through their resiliency and capacity that I continue to find strength when sometimes the crises or traumas become too much. The women that we serve, in this building specifically, are a constant source of inspiration. One of the things in my role that is difficult is that you put yourself out there to be a voice when they can’t necessarily be that voice or have the opportunity to be that voice. I take that privilege very seriously, but when you go and speak to the media or speak at city counsel, or do a speech somewhere, and you put yourself out there, you often think “did I hit the mark, was I good enough, did I say enough, did it resonate with people, did I carry people’s stories in the right way?” and you question that. It is a difficult thing to do. When I come back from those moments, there is always some woman in the lobby who has watched the news and stops me and says “we saw you on the news, you did a great job, we’re so proud of you!” and those moments inspire me, and remind me that this role and job are bigger than me, and bigger than the YWCA, it's bigger than the city of Regina. I am speaking for others and that needs to be taken seriously, but also that there are so many women behind me that are cheering me on, and whose lives I impact by talking on the news about an event we’re doing, or homelessness or domestic violence. They feel that same connection that I have to them, they feel to me. I am truly part of their community as well and that’s inspiring to me.

YWCA residented poses infront of YWCA bill board.

YWCA is the oldest organization supporting women, how are you continuing this legacy?

The legacy of the YWCA is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately because we’ve been serving this community for over 100 years. I think that acknowledging that our community has changed and working tirelessly to make sure this organization changes with the community and those community needs I think is how we make sure that this legacy continues. We are building a new centre for women and families, the new building represents how the community has changed, what the community needs and will be the legacy of this organization for the next 50 years. One of the biggest shifts has been the acknowledgement and recognition that when people are in crisis, being part of a community is such a vital part of that healing process and not being trapped in that crisis. The centre for women and families involves the rest of the community, were building an outdoor play space for the rest of the community, were building inside space that has a coffee shop that hopefully people come and work and be part of that community. That will be so important to the women that were serving. It gives them a sense of hope, it gives them a sense of purpose to belong to something outside the crisis that they're dealing with at that moment. That will be a big legacy piece, the other one is about a connection to indigenous ways of knowing and being. About 80% of the women we serve in our crisis services are Indigenous and its really important to acknowledge the truth of culture genocide and how that break from a way of knowing and being was purposefully kept from indigenous folks. The repercussions of that and the trauma that we’ve seen over the last seven generations because of that, it is imperative that as an organization that serves that community that we invest in supporting those connections back to Indigenous ways of knowing and being. At the center of the new building is a healing lodge and an urban sweat lodge that will be stewarded by All Nations Hope Network, which is an Indigenous organization in the community. We’re 99 year leasing for $1 to that organization as part of our truth telling and reconciliation journey. Putting that at the center will be a legacy piece that acknowledges what was taken, and what is so vitally important to move forward. Women will have access to that, the community will have access to that, and when I talk about an organization being able to shift and change with its community to make sure that it is sustained over time, and making sure that it is meeting the needs of the community over time: it’s that piece. It’s the piece of decolonization and of making sure that we are looking at equity for more than just gender. That is something that we have done for a long time, and we are really good at it, but we can only go so far unless we also bring that anti-colonial, anti-racism, and gender diverse perspectives along with us.

Breaking ground at the new YWCA center construction site.

What is the biggest barrier facing women in Regina?

The biggest barrier facing women in Regina continues to be inequity. We have moved the needle on equality, we are far from moving the needle on equity. In lots of ways it makes it more difficult to talk about barriers because I often get responses like “women can get jobs the same as men, girls can participate in sports the same as boys,” the kind of ideas that deal with equality that people have. I think a barrier now is that we’ve become complacent in the idea that equality and equity are the same thing, and they couldn’t be more different. It becomes even more imperative that we talk about things like wage discrepancy and wage gaps not only between men and women, but between men, white women, indigenous women, black women and gender diverse women. It becomes imperative that we talk about that intersectionality and those differences if we are ever going to be able to move the needle on equity. I think that is a huge barrier. We are no longer in this space that it is a one off that both your mum and dad have professional jobs, I think we are well into the generation where both parents have professional jobs but statistically women still are primary caregivers, and have a second job in terms of raising children or taking care of homes. We're still having conversations about if we have a stay at home dad or man in the family, that is still an oddity, that one partner would choose to stay at home. There are still those barriers, and that speaks to equity opposed to equality. It’s okay to say that everybody has seemingly equal opportunity but when you really break it down, do they really? I think systems, and the way we govern ourselves are huge barriers to women, and continue to be huge barriers to women. Our laws, our social structures are still based on patriarchal kind of inventions and you can’t say there is equal opportunity when we are still living under the dome of patriarchy. That is even broken down further when I think about my indigenous and gender diverse colleagues, that equity line is even starker.

How do you think Regina’s community can improve this?

I have great hope. I just went to a storytelling conference and an elder was talking about the 8th generation, and I didn’t realize that we are in the 8th generation of the premonitions that Indigenous ways of being had in terms of healing. It makes great sense, because I have great hope in a new generation, unlike me, who didn't grow up with the answer to social justice issues was equality. That’s how it worked. There’s that Michael Jackson song, “ We are the world,” that’s the generation that I grew up in, and it was being Canadian was being multicultural and we are all one people, in one world. The 8th generation, that doesn’t fly, that is not the narrative they grew up with. The narrative they grew up with is truthfully about equity. I think what Regina needs to work through is to understand and listen to that generation in a way that respects what is perceived as idealism, and understand it to be about equity. I hear lots of people criticise the 8th generation for doing things like invoking a call out culture, or being choosy about what kind of careers that they want to have, or not valuing hard work and paying bills, and those sorts of pieces. I really see value in this idea of understanding interrelationships and knowing that we can live simply so others can simply live. The values have shifted, and there is truly a strong sense of reconciliation and understanding of not just that there were harms in the past, but that there is a responsibility to settlers to provide a space and acceptance of Indigenous ways of knowing and doing, and integrate that into the community in a way that is authentic. Regina needs to listen seriously about what that generation is willing to tolerate and what they aren’t. I think my generation tolerated way too much, at the expense of marginalized people, I see the next generation not doing that.

What are the long term consequences if we ignore the voices of women and children?

The long term consequences of ignoring the voices of women, we can probably see examples in our day right now. The gap between those who thrive and those who are marginalized and struggling just keeps getting bigger and bigger. The social impact of that in terms of our economy, in some of the shortage of employment, our capacity to build the strength of our community is seen when we leave people behind. I go back to the idea of “I am because you are,” and when we ignore voices and ignore needs then everybody suffers from that. There is no doubt that the indigenous belief that the strengths of the matriarchs in our community represent the strength of that community, because they are the people who raise and build community generally speaking. When we ignore those pieces than many others suffer, including those who seem to thrive in that system. If we continue to ignore those issues and problems, they only become worse. A statistic is that 80% 0f children who spend time in a shelter system, will have had some kind of institutional response as an adult, meaning they themselves will spend time in a shelter, or be incarcerated or will use our health care system heavily. Even though our shelters are excellent and wonderful places, we know that that is not the answer. If we don’t look at how to prevent those things in the first place, which includes bringing those voices to the table and ensuring that they are supported then we are creating generations of the same need of crisis response. It costs a lot of money to run crisis services and building communities is not only better for the women and children, but it’s cheaper.

What do you want Regina to know about YWCA?

I think that Regina should know that the YWCA has been serving our community for over 100 years. People know that we’ve been here a long time but I’m not sure if they know the breath of that. I would want Regina to know that we do our work in our different ways. That equity is at our very foundation and we have to look at the intersectionality of anti-colonialism, anti-racism, gender and sexually diverse needs. I would also know Regina to know that the YWCA acknowledges and recognizes that because we have been here for over 100 years we have certainly participated in colonial pasts, we are a colonial organization, and we continue because of that privilege that we had as a primarily white settler organization have power in that space, and we continue to perpetuate that but at the same time acknowledging those truths and working towards a different way of being in the future. Decolonizing ourselves and restoring indigenous ways of knowing and being. We see ourselves as being “Here for Her,” that’s one of our slogans, and that evokes an acknowledgment that we aren’t just shelters, we aren’t just childcare, we aren’t just community programs but in whatever way we need to here for her we are. We are also an organization that hopefully forever will always been changing, and doing things in a different way because women and families that we serve need us to do that. It’s important for the city to know that the YWCA may still have a gender focus and we still focus on serving women, we acknowledge and recognize that gender diverse folks need support systems. They access our support currently because there aren’t any for them but that those systems do need to exist, and we can’t fight for gender equity without being gender inclusive of those that aren’t on that binary. Making sure that we still talk about the needs and equity of women, that we aren’t excluding the voices that aren’t on that binary. I think the city of Regina should know that the YWCA is a trusted community partner that does make change. We talk about speaking the change loudly, and expecting the change to begin now and acting the change deliberately. If the community doesn’t know that, they should know that about us. We really are change makers. We have shown that in many ways and that continues to be something that we push ourselves to do.

How do you encourage women not to give up?

I feel like it’s almost the opposite in times, where I am looking for inspiration not to give up from other women. What I have come to understand and learn is that the resiliency of marginalized people way surpasses my capacity to understand or recognize resiliency in me to continue despite barriers that might be there. I am not sure that I have ever convinced a woman not to give up, because the women and families that I have honour being able to serve, unfortunately because of the society that we live in, they have that inherently built into their DNA. There are so many times I read the stories or listen to a story of a woman that we are serving that I just think to myself “I can’t believe that facing all of that, that they are still sitting here today having a conversation”. I’m not sure if I know how to tell women not to give up, or if I’ve ever been in a situation where something I have said has led them to a situation of them not giving up. I think it is the exact opposite where the power and privilege I hold does not have the experience to know how to support women in not giving up. It’s only through acknowledging that I will use that power and privilege to change the system so that they don’t have to be so resilient. I remember a young indigenous woman once saying to me, “being an indigenous woman is a full time job,” so being a white woman is not a full time job. To be able to encourage someone to keep going in the day when I do not face those barriers, I think it is unrealistic for me to think that I have that ability. Only in saying that I can use the platforms that have been afforded to me or given to me or my voice in that power and privilege to work towards creating a more equitable society so that being an indigenous woman doesn’t have to be a full time job.

What does equity mean to you?

Equity to me is an ability for people to experience life truthfully in the same way. To really be able to know that it’s not about people’s capacity, ability, or opportunity to thrive, if we're talking about success, but it has a lot to do with the systems and the community that prevent us from getting to that place. Equity is a place that we get to when we say that we don’t have a system problem. I mean systems in the way we govern ourselves, the way our communities are set up, the way we support one another, with that hits a form of being anti oppressive, then we start to have some form of equity. I think it's about dismantling those systems that continue to oppress. Equity needs to have systems of governing that are anti oppressive, then and only then is there only actual authentic equal opportunity.